Monday, December 1, 2014

My little painter

My little painter =)

Salma yang yellow with green eyes

Mama, Babah and Maya

Her most favorite thing to draw..kuku lagi! 

Laparoscopic appendectomy

Another hurdle this year..alhamdulillah. Now kentut pun alhamdulillah, such a blessing! Things that I take for granted becomes something so awesome and brings me to say thanks to my Creator.

Every pain is a blessing in disguise, if you don't think this way then it'll just drive you crazy. I have very low tolerance for pain, haha, so I'll get crazy a lot faster than other people if I don't have this in my head.

I came to the clinic for cir bir and nausea, my stomach was like a washing machine. Pusing-pusing laju speed cycle, haha. It's the third time this year that I experienced this kind of pain. The first time was probably in March this year. I went to the clinic after more than 6 hours of perut pusing-pusing, no cirbir. Just a stomach that's like a non-stop washing machine, I felt faint because I was really tired, couldn't eat a thing. The doctor gave me a jab to calm my stomach but I was still in pain after almost an hour. So another jab, this time Tramadol, a painkiller. Even after the jab it took 4 hours for the pain to go away. Worst pain ever, macam orang nak beranak pun ada! Fuhh.

The following days I took medicine for my stomach, ada lagi rasa macam nak start pulas-pulas and my whole abdomen was so sore, couldn't even lift my legs to make wudu'. Hehe, felt like someone who got a very bad punch to the stomach. The soreness lingered for a few days. 

Lepas tu in May kot macam ala-ala sakit perut ni but less severe. When I started to feel it I quickly took the meds from the clinic.

So this was the third and hopefully last time cause I don't have an appendix anymore! Yahooo!

The doctor tekan-tekan my stomach and I felt sharp pain on the right side each time the doctor put pressure there. So she referred me to the hospital. Ahhhh, what a long journey, sakit ya Allah. Larat sampai Kemaman je. My first time getting treated in a government hospital. While waiting there I kept imagining worst case scenarios. People are always complaining about the bad treatment they received at gov. hospitals. Tawakkal je

We didn't wait long or maybe it was because I went into the treatment room and asked for a bed. 3 different docs (HOs) asked me the same set of questions. Part of their training I guess, all 3 were very kind. I had to wait for the MO to make the decision whether to ward me or send me home. I think we arrived around midnite, by 3:30am I finally got my painkiller!!!YEzzzaaaaaaaa, alhamdulillah, pethidine lagi tu, what a relief. Sian the kids, they had to sleep on the metal chairs, huhu

Long story short, after solat Jumaat three small holes in my abdomen and no more appendix. I got a specialist so I was happy with that, hopefully no HOs played with my internal organs while I was out. ;P

The procedure is supposed to be better than the traditional cut. I think my largest incision is only 1cm and on my belly button. It was for the scope. The other two on my left and right are about 5mm long. It's been a week plus and the pain is gone alhamdulillah. It was quite bad the first few days, I pray that I'll never have to have a c-section!! scary! Siapala crazy enough yang buat elective cesarean. 

Hadi kata the appendix dah bocor sikit, I don't know where he got the info. I'm just thankful that everything went smoothly.

This is the third class ward, the only ward available in Hospital Kemaman. Pengalaman yang menginsafkan. Ramai lagi orang lain in worse off conditions than you. 

All the doctors were nice. The only horror story is one pms-sy nurse that distributed food and just before leaving a mean nurse yang ruined my iv vein. Dia pi tekan kuat sangat, I think it was deliberate sampai kembung tangan. Huhu. I hope my vein goes back to it's normal size. Right now macam ada a short stick under my skin..ewww

Praise be to Allah, I'm alive and well

Monday, November 10, 2014

Funny Dance by Maya

What's in my Garden

Beautiful Gardenias

Roses my favourite  (The house reallyyyyyyyyyyyyy needs a paint job!)
Anak kangkung, I wonder if I can hang this plant later so it doesn't menjalar everywhere..hmm..things to google
My favourite orange rose, I'm not sure of the official name of this variety
First time ever, a cacoon! 
A ladybug, lama tak nampak
And bug infested far no ulat in the bendi

The garden really needs a makeover, the old kolam left by the previous owner is just a breeding ground for aedes since it's wet season right now. Wish I could just call in a landscape designer and have the job done. Wishful thinking....

Monday, November 3, 2014

Omg first grade!

Hahaha..are we ready for first grade??

Somehow reading this makes me think of kedai mamak ☺

All the best to us!

Sara Thai Kitchen Balok

This little girl is always making faces! Look at the haircuts I gave them, cute or disaster?? =)

Jalan-jalan Kuantan lepas check doktor. Alhamdulillah no need for D&C! What do Malaysians regularly do to celebrate? What else but makan! First round was Baskin Robbins ice-cream, it was the 31st so we got 30% discount. Laju je semua orang makan cause we shared a pint. Maya decided even before we left home that she wanted Purple ice-cream. The only purple colored ice-cream was Cotton Candy( most boring flavor). So the pint was a mix of Trick or Treat, Cotton Candy & Mint choc chip. Caca marba but still so good!!! Nasib baik share ramai cause before we had ice cream I weighed myself and I've gained another kg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!warghhhhhhhhhhhh(tapi makan ice cream jugak)

Now I'm one of the women that's just fat but mistaken for pregnant. Haha..last Sunday somebody patted my tummy and asked me if I'm pregnant. REALLY thought it would never happen to me but it DID! Mashaallah :)

I told her I had miscarried (so there's a reason why I have a bulging tummy!) Then she kept on saying sorry, which made me feel sorry for myself! Huaaa, self pity is bad!!! I almost cried there but I didn't. Back home I finally cried but I wasn't sure if it was because of PMS, the miscarriage or because I'm fat, or all of the above!!Hahahahah :P

Anyway, back to food...Sara Thai Kitchen Balok is Hadi's favourite place in Kuantan because of the killer Tom Yam. He really loves it but I'm too scared to hirup the soup. Last time I did it was killer sakit perut!! But it does taste good but eat with caution. Those who are used to eating chilli padi don't need to worrylah.

We had tomyam, sotong celup tepung for the kids (mine is the best, chewah.. I don't like sotong with too much batter), tauhu goreng gajus, kerabu mangga and lala goreng I don't remember.  Semua sedap! I'd like to try the tauhu at home, the combination is so good but must find the recipe first. The lala is fried with some kind of leaf, I think it's basil.

Alhamdulillah, semua awesome. There's another branch in town but I think the portion is a bit smaller. Don't forget to try if you're in town!

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Lalu-lalu Temerloh Bentong

Cuti-cuti balik kampung
Berhenti solat di Bentong 

Singgah main di park
Bagi budak-budak lepak

Ada sekolah atas bukit
If I student I'd be scared shit (mesti banyak jinnnnnn!!)

Kesian betul orang-orang yang kena tangkap gambar walaupun bukan niat kita nak tangkap gambar dia. Just another head in a photo, sorry sir, your head was in the way. I bet my head is somewhere in cyberspace in someone else's photo of a warung's menu. huhu

Makan patin di Temerloh. I don't eat ikan patin or tempoyak tapi Hadi suka sangat sampai habis kuah dihirup. Must be good. I had the rebung masak lemak with perut..yummeh. The warung is only a short distance away from the Temerloh exit. Siapa nak cuba sila-sila. C' Wok Cafe Temerloh =)

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Jalan - jalan hujung minggu settle bill poslaju, sambil JJCM =)
Al Safina Nasi Arab di Kijal. We've been here before..dulu the taste macam so so je..we got old fries and nasi arab yang rasa mcm dah siap masak 8 hrs ago. 

So this time round takde high expectations pun tapiiii..sedap la pulak!! Probably they have a new manager or chef kot. Everything was good. We had Chicken Mandy, Lamb Mandy and Lamb Kebab. I'd be a total failure if I were a food blogger, nampak makanan je terus ngapp so no pictures of food..wahahha :P
Like my instant shawl?? Haha, promosi sket..get something similar at

I'm at my fattest right now at 59kg!!!! (cries)

I had a relaxing time at the restaurant as these two lil ones takde request duduk tepi mama. Yahoooo!

The restaurant has an indoor and outdoor section, siapa nak duduk aircond boleh duduk dalam.
 Duduk luar pun okay as the restaurant is by the beach..ada angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa =) 

Below is the resort just across from the restaurant, it's under the same company but I'm not sure of the name. Siapa nak datang Terengganu can try this place, it looks nice just a bit isolated. Siapa nak vacation away from the hustle and bustle of the city bolehla datang sini.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Kakak Maya


Adik & Salma macam dah lupa terus pernah ada baby..

Maya's different, malam-malam nak tido she'd take her old baby doll and say something like

"Ni baby mama, dah keluar dah, kiss baby ok"

Huaaaa...dari orang tak sedih jadi sedih la balik

It's happened a few times, dah tak nangis dah

Pagi-pagi bangun

"Baby mama dead dah"

Pergi beach

"Baby ada dalam sand ni ke?"

Kakak Maya


Friday, October 10, 2014

Missing someone

It's been awhile..

A lot has happened since my last blog post. In December we moved back to Kerteh,  bought a house, stayed in a home stay for a few months, renovated the house, went on trips, had birthdays and Eids and got pregnant =) It was a much awaited pregnancy.

I was pregnant the year before but wasn't ready for a baby just yet. Maya was still pretty much a baby that time. It ended up as a blighted ovum, the baby never grew and somehow I was relieved. At around 12 weeks my body naturally miscarried but I had to get a D & C as the sac was still there. Even though I wasn't ready for the baby I remembered how I felt when the Muslim lady doctor offered me pills to make me miscarry. I could've slapped her!!

Life is precious and people shouldn't be playing God

After the D&C life continued as before, some tears were shed but I was pretty much ok. The only change was that I had to put the pregnancy books I was reading with Sumayya back into the closet.

Then we got really busy with moving and kids changing schools. Life was a chaos when we moved to Kerteh as the previous owner of the house that we bought changed his plans and didn't empty the house as planned. When we finally settled into the house after the move from homestays to hotels and back to the house we realized Maya's already a big girl. We felt it was time for a new addition to the family =) Of course Salma wanted a cat but we had a baby in mind.

Soon after we got pregnant! Alhamdulillah we were really happy! Hanan was excited, Maya didn't want a baby to replace her and Salma was in her own world.

What was happy news then turned to being a stressful experience, I was spotting all the time. I thought I was going to lose the pregnancy and that worried me. Sometime before Raya blood came pouring out and I even had to wear pads! I was confident that there wasn't going to be a heartbeat. I was heartbroken.

We went to the nearest Klinik Kesihatan and the doctor who did the ultrasound said she couldn't see the heartbeat and if I wanted to seek a second opinion that I go to the nearest hospital. In my heart I was resigned to whatever that was to happen. So when we saw the heartbeat at the hospital I burst out crying. Overjoyed and relieved, I had hoped that the stressful situation would be over soon.  I was told to take progesterone as a precaution, the doctor said progesterone deficiency might be causing the bleeding but it won't stop a miscarriage from happening, if it was to happen, it will happen.

So I was on Duphaston tablet 3 times a day until the 14th week of pregnancy. During the 11th week the bleeding had gone away completely. Before, I was told I also had GBS so I had to take antibiotics that was making me super miserable. I was vomiting at least once a day even though in all my previous pregnancies I never vomited even once. I was so miserable that even before the 14th week I've lowered the Dupahston to two then 1 pill a day as I thought it was making me sick. I also couldn't stomach the multivitamin and sometimes missed my dose of folic acid. I thought people who had terrible morning sickness end up getting healthy babies so a missed dose of this and that won't harm my baby.

During the 15th week I felt normal, we went on a trip to Kelantan. We had fun there, Aishah came along.

After the trip I went to the Klinik Kesihatan to finally register my pregnancy. Throughout the pregnancy I've felt miserable and couldn't imagine spending hours at the gov. clinic for the red book. So finally when I felt healthy we ended up spending 3 hours at the clinic! Dekat wall it said 60mins ye :P So after the 3 hours the doctor refused to see me as there was too many patients. I was told to come the following week for an ultrasound.

During the weekend we went back to KL for a relative's wedding. It was a really short trip and on the way back my back was killing me.

When we arrived home I saw some bloody discharge. I was stressed out but I didn't want to worry too much about it so I just waited for my appointment on Tuesday.

Hadi had taken time off work as he also had to be at the clinic for the madatory HIV test. He was on the phone for work when I was called into the doctor's office.

The doctor swiftly performed the ultrasound, I was surprised that they have a good machine. Everything was super clear, without even the doctor saying anything I could tell there was something wrong with my baby. I would've been 17 weeks along the following day. I could tell that the baby wasn't moving, don't babies move a little bit all the time? And I couldn't see the heartbeat. It was as if someone was tearing at my gut with a knife. I was so shocked and pained, I went out of the room crying when the doctor confirmed that my baby was dead.

I was sobbing when I got to Hadi, he was even more shocked. I cried all the way to the hospital in Kuantan. My head hurt and I didn't want to cry anymore. I kept asking Allah for forgiveness, to make me strong, to love me, to make me redha. I know what I saw but Hadi was still in denial. He couldn't accept it just yet, he was hoping to get a different outcome at this hospital as we did the first time after the Raya bleeding.

The second ultrasound confirmed that our baby didn't have a heartbeat. Doctor estimated the baby's size to be around 15 weeks so it had been awhile. All sorts of questions keep coming out, what happened, what could've caused this to happen, did I not take enough of the progesterone, did I not take enough vitamins, Hadi asked me if I had fallen or carried something too heavy. Arghh, all these questions kept spinning in my head, making my head hurt. The doctor gave us the option whether to start with the procedure or let the miscarriage happen naturally which could take a while to happen. We were still dazed and pained that we couldn't decide. I know I don't want to be carrying a dead baby but we were just not ready for the next step. So the doctor suggested we go home for a couple days to take time to absorb everything and come back to the hospital for the procedure.

I'm glad that we took that option, the two days were spent crying and making ourselves redha with was had happened. Hanan was the most affected of all the children. Maya didn't really understand and Salma was being Salma.

Since the pregnancy was already in the second trimester, I couldn't have a D&C but I was to be induced for labor. I spent time reading of other people's experiences with it and it scared me. I wasn't ready for all this. The doctor said it could take days, for some women the medication works fast and some would have to stop and come again in a week's time to try again. I was hoping to get it over as soon as possible. In the hospital we were told that we were to birth the baby ourselves and to call for help if we needed help. Whattttt?

I was numb and the highlights of my days were Baskin Robbin's ice cream cones. 

There was a little bit more crying but not much. We've accepted that things happen for a reason and that Allah is the best of Planners. There could be something good in this that we do not know yet.

The dcotor gave me a single Cytotec pill the first night. Two more the next day plus 3 doses of Cervagem. It was the day of Arafah so I kept praying for the process to be pain free, to ease this hardship and for us not to be sad.

At around 1am I was woken up from my sleep because of period like cramps. It was the first time I didn't take the painkiller as there was never any pain pun before, I was just following the nurse's order but that night the doctor told me not to take it unless I was in pain. I didn't feel comfortable so I decided to go to the bathroom to pee. Halfway to the bathroom I felt like a balloon was coming out of my v*gina. Then I saw my cute baby for the first time

There were no tears during the whole process, we were just happy that everything went smoothly without any complications.

Everyday I grieve for my baby boy. Everytime I'll let a little bit of tears out but I'll always tell myself to stop.

MashaAllah, indeed this world and whatever in it is a loan from Allah

‘Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return’

Baby Abd Rahman bin Husswan Hadi 

Abu Musa al-Ashari reported that the Prophet Muhammad ( صلى الله عليه وسلم) said, “When a son of a servant of Allah dies, Allah Says to the angels, ‘Have you taken the son of My servant?’ They say, ‘Yes.’ Then Allah Says, ‘Have you taken the fruit of his heart?’ They say, ‘Yes.’ Allah Says, “What has My servant said?’ They say, ‘He has praised You and said, Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un (To Allah we belong and to Him is our return). Then Allah Says, ‘Build a house for My servant in Paradise and call it the house of praise.’ From Tirmidhi, Musnad Ahmad and ibn Habban